Response to the Brill's story

List the problems with this story.

1.    Jack absolutely knows that Mafia boss is a psycho. Why would he allow himself show up alone and unarmed?

21:  It’s impossible 
for someone’s head to actually explode

32:    It is impossible for the Vietcong throws his nunchakus, because nunchakus belong to Japan.

43: Kaya’s head is impossible comes off for shooting.

54: There is no reason for Marty appears in the grave carrying with notepad.

65:   The character of Marty is strange, why he shows sympathy to animal but now woman?

76:  The existence of Marty is very unimaginably queer. Do you think it is true that Marty will not hurt in this gunplay at all?

2. Explain how you would fix these problems.

I will make every character become round and more complex. In addition, I will switch the character position in this story. Marty is kidnapped and his friend Jack ribbed Mafia’s dog in order to save his friend. Kaya is a very wise woman.  She thinks up many solutions for her husband.

3. Fix the problems (you can do this in any form you like: a script, a story, a poem, a video that you shows the class.) 

     Kaya is very nervous and she even does not know what she should do. When she imagine the scene that her husband was kidnapped, her hands were quavering. “Do not worry, I will save him. I am his best friend.” Jack talked to Kaya. “I guess we need some weapons and strategies, you know. Mafia is a psycho. I do not know what he will do.”

     The weather is raining. The surrounding air is filled with tension. Jack is tightly holding the dog. Kaya is hidden in the cave. They also bring with a lot of friends who help them. “Bang!” It’s the gun’s voice. Jack realized his guess is right. He is very smart because Mafia will not let his dog die. Therefore, he holds the dog. Jack speaks loudly: “if you want you dog live, do not use your weapon. We only want is our friend.” “Do you think you will live today? Innocent!” All of a sudden, the gun was shot towards Marty. In order to protect her husband, Kaya stands up. “Come on! Shout me! Remember I love you.” The occasion was trapped into such chaos. At this time, Jack has the opportunity to save his friend. Marty is On the brink of collapse. He is do not feel afraid. Jack throw the dog to Marty, because he knows his friend will not get hurt. Jack uses tricks to make the enemy together. “Let us die together!” “Boom”.  Marty is shocked. Jack is smiling.

4. Post all of these steps on your blog for Monday